It's been an emotional 24 hours for me.
Deciding to start this blog was making the decision to be accountable to someone else for my choices. A very scary proposition. However, within hours of my first post I received so many warm welcomes I quickly realized it was the best decision I could make!
I've been reading your blogs over the past week and am amazed at how brave you all are. And how honest. It inspires me to do this same. This is my story.
My life today looks nothing like the life I lived 4 years ago. At that time I was living in Florida, a stay at home mom raising my two boys. We had been transferred there in 2001 and I loved it! It was like living in paradise for me. I was happy and active. While the boys were in school during the day I would hit the gym and spend 45 minutes a day on the elliptical. 3 days a week I was lifting weights. In the evening I trained for long distance bike races with my neighbor. I was taking Yoga and Meditation classes. While nobody would ever call me skinny, I was healthy. Healthier than I had been in years.
Prior to moving to Florida I was really struggling with Anxiety and Panic Attacks. I was in therapy and working very hard at recovery. But those years in Florida were anxiety free! I felt great!
Then 4 years ago my husband's job was outsourced and we were forced to move back home to Indiana. My boys and I were devastated. It was a tough time for all of us but while they all seemed to adjust, I've continued to struggle. We arrived home on January 1st in the midst of a miserably cold and snowy winter. I immediately sunk into a depression. I had to give up being a stay at home mom and return to the work force to help with the finances. I missed being home for the kids and I missed all my Florida friends. I completely gave up exercise. Eventually the anxiety returned and over the past 4 years I have been slowly but steadily gaining weight.
My oldest went off to college last year and next year his younger brother will be joining him. I'm facing an empty nest. Last year my husband and I separated and while we are back together we still have issues to work through. It feels like along with my health, my life is also out of control. Everything is changing and I need to change too. I need to regain my health in order to face the challenges ahead.
Thank you everyone for being my inspiration. Tomorrow I'm going to face my first challenge. I'm going to step on that scale and read a very scary number. It's good to know you will all be there for support.
Good night everyone!
I can relate with everything you are saying. Change can really turn your life upside down. My husband and myself seperated February of last year but we have been back together for about 6 months now and we still have things to work on in our marriage to; I've also recently went back to school. While change can be a scary thing it can all so be positive depending on how you look at it. Everything in your life has brought you to the point you are at right now and maybe thats just where you need to be. We are all here to help and support you and this could be the day that your life turns around. Try to see the positive in everything you do and you will be amazed how much better things look.
ReplyDeleteI lived in Indiana for 2 years. I went there kicking and screaming, but I happened to have made the best friends there and have kept them for 17 years so far. They are like family to me.
ReplyDeleteI also have anxiety disorder and exercise is one of the best medications out there. Coupled with my Paxil, I am able to get out and do the things that need to be done.
I'm on board for your journey to emotional and physical health. I bet if you can get yourself where you need to be emotionally, every thing else will fall into place. Congrats on getting back with your husband. I sincerely hope you can work things out.
Empty nest scares me. I have only one kid, but she's half way there at 9 years old. Not gonna think about it now.
Kaye,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your story. Even in BlogLand, it's important to me to know a little about where a person is coming from. Helps me feel better connected to them. Hope you will share more about your journey back to health. We will be here to support you in whatever way we can.
Sharon
Thank you Christina, Lanie and Sharon for your support. As you know it's not always easy to reveal things that make you feel vulnerable. Lanie: it's so good to know that someone out there has walked the same road as I am. The anxiety disorder only scares me when I think of getting stuck in that awful place again. Christina: congratulations to you and your husband for working things out! We are working on our communication and finding that is the key. After 25 years of marriage who knew you had to keep working at it! Sharon: the fact that everyone is so honest about themselves helps me be more honest too! I'm so excited to learn more about all of you and support everyone in on their journeys.
ReplyDeleteWelcome welcome! I find it sad, yet somehow good that being overweight twists its tentacles into every part of our lives. It is sad that it reigns o powerfully over us, but at the same time, I think it is a reminder that is represents a lack of health, and therefore departure from true well being. I think in this way it reminds us of what is really important-being healthy enough to live to deal with, then move on, and live life. I am here for you-if you need anything stop on by or email me polarspage@gmail.com.
ReplyDeletePolar's Mom
www.polarspage.blogspot.com